Drought Solution #1: Attack India !!

Why? Because they've got what we want ... Water. In Brisbane at the moment, the ongoing drought and resultant Level 5 water restrictions mean we can't water our gardens, wash our cars or fill up our swimming pools. We're now restricted to 4 minute showers and being encouraged to install water-saving devices and even rain-water tanks, though how a rainwater tank is supposed to help anyone when it never rains is beyond me. Any civilised inhabitant of 21st century Earth will agree this situation is completely unacceptable. Clearly something needs to be done, but our elected decision-makers are wasting time, Dilly Dallying about, arguing the relative economics of recycling sewerage, diverting reservoirs and desalinating sea water, when the real answer to the problem is staring us all in the face. WAR !!

One of the great attributes of the Human species is its ability to accumulate wisdom by learning from the past, and if there's one lesson the past has taught us it is surely that when we want something we should make war on our neighbors and simply take it from them. In recent times America has reminded us of the wisdom of this strategy by declaring war on Iraq because they wanted more oil, but this war was only the most recent in a proud tradition of wars waged on countries that have stuff we want. In the past, the stuff people wanted was often land. Land is good because the more you own, the more socially adequate you feel. So if, for whatever reason, you feel inadequate (eg; small penis, no friends, stupid) you can accumulate land and feel really tough, especially if you accumulated it by killing other humans.

In the 21st century, water has become an important and valuable resource. My local petrol station charges me about $1.25 for a litre of petrol, but a litre bottle of drinking water costs nearly twice as much. We in Australia need water. India has lots of water. Cherrapunji in India holds the world record for the highest rainfall ever recorded with 26,461mm in 1 year. Measured in another way, Mt Waialeale in Hawaii has the highest average annual rainfall with 11,680mm, but we can't attack America because they're much tougher than us. We'd end up with egg on our face. This is another lesson history has taught us; make sure, before you attack another country, that you can actually win, otherwise you will end up with egg on your face, and we Australians can't afford to get egg on our face because we don't have any water to wash it off.